Mom

When we arrived in Tucson Tuesday morning Aunt Marilyn picked us up from the airport.  She was very worried about my Father-in-law.  He has been working so hard to take care of Mom and they were worried that he wasn't taking care of himself.
We headed right down to the hospital.  Mom was somewhat lucid when we arrived and we were able to have a short conversation.  She seemed happy to see us and had a good bowl of soup for dinner that day.  She declined each day after.



We started to sort out the details.  The chemo was not working for the multiple myeloma.  She had severe sores from being in bed due to her back which was not healing and she had an antibiotic resistant infection called MRSA.

We talked to Karyn that day who wanted us to tell her if all the sisters needed to come down.  What a hard thing to have to do.  By the time we called to tell them to come Susan had already changed her trip and would arrive the next day.  Karyn and Pam arrived a day later.  Dad was not happy.

By the time Susan arrived Mom was less and less coherent and sleeping more and more.  Her pain was very consistent, however.  She was most lucid when she was in pain.  They scheduled an operation for her sores that Friday.

We all had to gown and glove up each time we entered her room.

I think she was afraid.
We all were.

 Over the next few days some there were some very hard realizations and decisions to be made.

We were all so grateful that we could be there together.

When we went to Peppi's Place the first time there was a calm feeling at last.

The impossible choice had been made.

But it was what was best for Mom.

Inevitable.

Heartbreaking.

Forever.

It was a good place.

They were very kind and helpful.

They did their best to keep Mom comfortable.

It was the right thing.

Hospice.

 Mom passed away early Sunday morning.


March 18, 2012


She is no longer in pain.

 We miss you dearly and hold you in our hearts always.

Colorado

Just a couple of days before our 16th wedding anniversary we headed out to Colorado.  This was going to be a special trip.  Our friends have wanted to visit (read ski) in Colorado for ever.  So we were going to show them around.  Karyn and Ralph heard about the trip and wanted to come and Zeb and Abbie were happy to hop on board.  We planned to stay at my folks house but with such a big group renting a house became an option.  So we got a great house just off of I-70 in Silverthorne for a week.
Our first couple of days we caught up with our friends from Denver and my brother.  We got to meet my brother's new girlfriend Dani.  She was very nice and as one would expect with my brother she was also very pretty.  Rachel joined us for dinner in Longmont.  It was good to catch up.  We stayed at my folks house.  I think it was the first time I had stayed in that house without them.
Saturday we drove down to Denver to pick Karyn and Ralph up from the airport (using my Dad's Avalanche) and then we headed up to the mountains.  Our friends had driven out and met us up there later.  Zabbie had come in a day earlier and were with friends.  This was Zeb's first trip back after moving to New York from Colorado the previous year.

 There wasn't a great deal of snow when we arrived but it snowed early in the week and then twice more while we were up there.  Over two feet fell that week making it "the week" to be up there skiing.

The first day they drove over to Steamboat to avoid the crowds.  Afterward they hit some of the local hot springs.

Sounded like a great way to start the trip.

The second day Zeb showed everyone around his old work/play place Vail.  The snow was so so but everyone had a great time.
The next day it snowed so hard that everyone took the day off.

Then they skied Copper and Art was able to show everyone one of his favorites- Arapahoe Basin.

 We took our friends daughter to an apres ski one night and she got to sit in with the band.  She did a great job and had a blast!  She was even more excited when she made tips :-)

The weather could not have been better for our trip.  As we were heading down the mountain to drop Karyn and Ralph off at the airport we saw traffic backed up all the way down through Golden.  We headed up to Loveland and avoided the weekend hoards.

This was a beautiful sunrise.  I do miss my Colorado sunrises and sunsets most.

We were also able to catch up with our old college friends in Denver at BeauJos pizza, and I was able to catch up with my old Lord of Honor Paul and another friend we used to work with.  Such good friends we have :-)

While up in Loveland we had great weather.  Sunny and dry.
The deer were in the yard to welcome us home.  The elk moved through the next day.
The bunnies were a little shy but did pop out to say goodbye as our friends left.

We headed up to Rocky Mountain National Park to sight see and do some hiking.  We ended up at one of my favorites around Bear Lake.

We saw some big horn sheep and I think everyone had a great day.

Picture Perfect Day.

There was little snow and a well packed trail so we all did a little hike up and around the area ending with Bierstadt Lake. 


Sadly it was this day that we got the call.

It was Karyn saying that Mom was in the hospital again and how soon could we get to Tucson.

We made arrangements to head down the next morning.  Our friends stayed behind to close up/clean up my folks house and take us to the airport.

Monarchs and Ashland

 January was a bit of a rough start to the year.  Art was in Arizona for a good part of the month trying to help get his Mom taken care of.  My friends rallied around and Olivia brought over this beautiful prayer shawl for me.  Blizz adopted it promptly but will happily share.

Such a blessing to be in such a good community surrounded by people who care.

One of my friends at the town offices had her husband pass away from a sudden heart attack this month.  It seemed there was plenty of grief to go around.  Another friend had found a tenant of hers who had collapsed.  He passed away several weeks later.  So many people had passed on this year already.

With the little snow we did get we went out and snow shoed and skied the best we could.  Our friend built this great people carrier on his groomer for a friend who had shoulder surgery and couldn't use the rope tow.

We were able to make it to a couple of hockey games together, a few I went with a friend and others Art took a friend.  We missed more games than we saw unfortunately.  Our friends came over to watch the game a few times, too.  Bruins were doing horribly at first, didn't lose a game in November, then had a rough start to the year. 

Art was back by the end of the month just in time for his annual birthday ski trip.

 This year we used our time share and went to Ashland for the week.  It was a good sized space so we had plenty of company.  Susan, Charlie, and Sam came up for the first couple of days to ski, then our friends the Wildes came up for the rest of the week, and finally Olivia was able to join for the last couple of days.
Not much snow other than what they made.  They had a great day skiing at Sunapee for Art's birthday and enjoyed Cannon a couple of times.
Us girl's snow shoed/hiked a couple of days and shopped at both Tilton and in North Conway.

 In January we took our guys and some friends on our annual outing.  This year we got a box at the Monarchs game.  They are the farm team for the LA Kings.  We had a great evening with everyone although the Monarch's lost the game.

Holidays 2011

Last winter was quite snowy during the first months of the year so we were a little wary about what this winter might be like.  It was very warm through September and into October, but on Halloween we were surprised with a two foot storm which brought a dejavu feeling of the previous winter.  We carefully shoveled and planned our paths for the winter knowing that last year we ran out of places to put the snow.  After two weeks the snow had melted however.  We did not see a big storm again until February 2012 and other than a brief cold snap in January the temperatures have been quite moderate.  Zdeno did seem to enjoy the little snow that fell but he would rather play ball over frisbee any day.

Thanksgiving was a mild and pleasant day.  We enjoyed our time at the beach and hanging out with family as always.  Art's Mom went into the hospital this week after breaking her back.  We didn't find this out until after the holiday.  Karyn was able to go out to Tuscon to assess and help as needed.  Mom was moved to a rehab hospital for her recovery.  She was not eating well and they seemed to be having a tough time since arriving in October.

I flew to Mexico to surprise my Mom for an early Christmas.  I relaxed with them down there with them for a week then planned to head up to Colorado to see Gary and the kids for the holidays.  One night they planned to go to the ball game and I was really tired so I stayed back at the house.  While checking my facebook a couple of cousins of mine were trying to pass the message that my Aunts were trying to get ahold of my Mom.  Her dad, my grandfather, had passed away unexpectedly.  He had been doing pretty well but had been getting confused and was seeing things so they had put him in a nursing home earlier in the fall.

We were just a couple of days from flying to Colorado so we stayed on  our original flights.  I changed my flight path home and went to Wisconsin with my Mom for the funeral.  It was a strange feeling this time.  We have pretty much lost touch with my Dad's family now that my Grandpa Jack is gone.  Now that all of my grandparents are gone I am not sure I will be back in Wisconsin again.  A little sad to lose touch with family.

 
As soon as I got home from the funeral we headed down to Connecticut for Christmas.  It was a quick but fun trip.  Zeb made some great holiday 'tinis and we had a good time catching up and enjoying the day. 

We came home for New Year's.  We had some friends over and watched the hockey game.  We were all sagging on the couch by ten pm but it was fun none the less.

The holidays were strange this year.  My Grandfather passed away and a friend of mine from high school committed suicide the same week.  

In January Art headed down to Tucson to see how things were with his folks.  Things were really not good with Mom.  She was in and out of the emergency room and she was not making progress in rehab so they were saying she couldn't stay. 

Dad didn't want her to go to a long term care facility so he arranged to take her home to care for her.  This was what they wanted but we were all very worried for both of them.

She had started chemo for the recently diagnosed bone cancer, but she still had a broken back, wasn't eating, and had the liver cancer.

We planned to have a sibling go out at least once a month to monitor the situation and help as needed.  Art was on call for an emergency trip out since our schedules allow for the most flexibility.

40

This year I turned 40.  A few days ago in fact.  To be honest it rather feels the same as 39 although it has a different weight if you think about it too long.  No longer a kid.  I am doing what I am going to do as an adult.  There used to be so many options and questions in front of me.  Not that I would change a single thing.  I love the town we live in, our home, our friends and family (not that you can really change that), I love what I do for work and that we volunteer.
We worked pretty hard in our thirties.  We owned our business and it was my primary job for the entire decade.  That seems a little odd when written down.  Makes one wonder if it will be another decade?  Time does seem to be accelerating, so another decade could pass in no time at all.  I still think we are in a good industry and provide a product and service that is helpful.  It is an alternative energy, but more than that it is a local energy that provides local jobs and supports the communities around us.
We have spent almost 9 years in our little farm house.  We have been renovating it since the day we moved in.  A process that is not likely to end any time soon.  This year we took the front part of the greenhouse that was falling down (and by we I mean our contractor friend :-/) and put in a concrete pad and a higher roof so that it can be used to park our tractors and bobcat.  Inside I spruced up a bathroom that had an ugly beam in it, Ody-bird chewed wood trim, and some dilapidated drywall.  I also updated the countertop and sink in the bar.  Little things but it is nice to have many of the big projects out of the way.
It is my third or fourth year with chickens.  I need to go back through my blog history to find out for sure.  We still have Abbie and Dorrie, two chickens from our first group.  They no longer lay but they are both very sweet and have a forever home here.  Mama (Cuddles) has been busily sitting on three eggs for almost three weeks now.  It is really late in the season but for many reasons she never was able to hatch a chick this year.  I am hoping for one for her at least.  If not, that would probably be o.k.  We are supposed to receive our first snow today.
It is amazing to me how I adapted to New England weather.  When we first moved here I was always cold!  I couldn't imagine what the crazy people who were running around without a coat were doing in the rain or on (what I thought) was a cold day of 60 degrees or less.  Each year I wear my coat less and less, turn the stove on later and later, and get grumpy when it is hot.
We stayed locally this year, both due to cost and because we have a wonderful new puppy that we were training and wanted to have around.  We did take what is becoming our annual ski trip with our friends.  The guys and kids ski while us girls go shop or snowshoe.  We enjoy the friends we have made in our town.  It makes it a home.  We also rented a beach house with my sister and brother in law.  That was fabulous since it was so close.  Hubby's folks could come by and other family members and even a visit from our friends.  This coming year we have a few more ventures in store.  Our fifteenth wedding anniversary was last year and we have yet to take our trip for that.
One of the most memorable trips I will have from this year is the surprise trip my wonderful husband took me on to celebrate my birthday.  He has been so busy at the store this fall that I don't get to see him much.  He has been working seven days a week.  Even when my folks were here for almost two weeks he was only able to take a couple of half days and one full day off.  I was a little disappointed but glad my folks understood.  We have just come off of a few really lean years at the shop and this was our first opportunity to pay off some of the costs incurred from our move and property purchase.  So the trip was very unexpected.  He held the secret until the Saturday before when we were on the way to the Bruins game.  He had actually planned to take me to Quebec City as I had missed a trip a few years back and have always wanted to go.  But once I knew that it was really just for a day I wanted to go closer to home.  I didn't want to drive twelve hours to enjoy a day when we could drive two and enjoy two half days and a full day.  So we searched around and settled on Portland, Maine.  Neither of us had spent time there exploring the city.  I liked going somewhere new and so did hubby.  We picked a hotel down in the heart of the city on the waterfront.  It was a couple hour drive and then we were checking in.  We immediately headed out and walked around and around and around.   Up and down the waterfront and some cozy streets with cobbled stone.  What a great little city.  We stopped at a floating restaurant for a drink then went off to find some dinner.  We ended up at Bull Feeney's which is a little Irish pub and restaurant.  They actually had a really great menu.  I ended up with a lamb-hamburger which was incredible.  Hubby had fried Camembert cheese which is a favorite of his at a German restaurant we like in Massachusetts.  We walked around more before heading back to turn in.  We started the next morning at a spot called Breakfast in Paris then spent the day exploring Portland more.  We also took an excursion North to my absolute favorite LL Bean.  The real one with five different stores.  So much more selection that the outlets around us.  Such fun.  We then did a couples massage in the afternoon.  Hubby's first massage.  It was very relaxing and decadent.  We shopped around a little bit and finished the night talking with a couple visiting from the UK and Scotland at a cozy little place called the Chocolate Bar.  The next day we took a leisurely morning walking around a bit more but heading home before noon.  Hubby was back in work mode, on the phone and stopping at the distributor.  I ended up with a flu so it was a bit of a long ride home for me.  At the end of it all a wonderful trip and fabulous memories with my love.  So thoughtful of him.

Visitors

I am not the only sad one in the house this afternoon.  Blizzie is on the bed in the guest bedroom and will not leave.  Zdeno looks at me with sad eyes and sighs.  Then he goes to the back bedroom and back to me to whine and sigh again.  So quiet.  My parents just left after their annual fall visit.  This is a visit I always look forward to with great anticipation and a visit that saddens me when they have to go.
They flew in last Friday night and we hit the ground running.  We had the family over on Saturday for our annual fall get together.  Food, family, and fun.  It is also a last time we can all get together before Art's folks head South for the winter.  Art's sister, four of our nieces and one nieces boyfriend stayed the night and we took a great hike over Pack Monadnock the next day.  A six mile trek with great vistas of the changing leaves.  It was a spectacular day.  It must have been 70 degrees out and was sunny and beautiful.
Monday we headed down to Boston to see our first hockey game of the year.  They weren't in our mini season package but they were playing the CO Avalanche so I thought we would all enjoy it since my parents still live in Colorado.  The Avalanche won 1-0 so Art and I were a little disappointed, but my Mom was pleased as punch.  It was another gorgeous day so we walked around for a while and saw some sights and went to Durgin Park for lunch.

Tuesday we didn't slow down but Art did have to go back to work as he had already taken off more time than he probably should have.  Fall is such a busy time, and especially this year for some reason.  My folks and I headed up North.  We hit the outlet stores in Tilton, then had lunch at one of my favorites the Yankee Smokehouse.  Best barbecue in my memory.  Then we did a little more shopping in North Conway before heading to our condo in Bartlett. 
Wednesday- the one day I had my camera :-\ we drove to the top of Mount Washington.  This is a mountain with 4000 foot rise in elevation.  It has some of the worst weather recorded, including a top wind speed of over 230 mph.  It was, again, a beautiful day though.  It is a mountain that is frequently enveloped in the clouds yet it was 54 and mostly sunny.  The clouds that were there were down below in one valley creating a stunning vista.
Thursday we shopped a little more and took our time heading home.  We then headed out again to ManchVegas to have dinner with Karyn and Ralph.  We went to Firefly Bistro.  A cozy little place in downtown Manchester.  It was good to catch up with them.
Friday we took a bit of a down day and walked Zdeno up to the Ledges here in Temple.  He was such a good dog.  We took him off leash once we left the road and he stuck right by us.  It does crack me up how he dashed up and down the marble ledge with ease yet he won't go up or down stairs.
Saturday was a rainy day so went to see a movie.  Footloose.  I hadn't seen the original with Kevin Bacon so I enjoyed getting the opportunity to see this one.  It doesn't strike me as a movie Art would see with me but we all had fun.  My Mom then made enchiladas for dinner- YUM!  Then we taught them the hand and (in?) foot card game.  Good day.

Sunday was the last full day and we had ambitious plans to go to Maine for the day.  However, it was a little windy and we were pretty tired from over a week of busy activity.  So we hung out in the morning and watched a movie on tv, played angry birds on the ipad and iphone, then headed over to Karyn and Ralph's for dinner.  We picked up some $4.99/lb. lobster at Market Basket on the way.  We had a great dinner and enjoyed sitting outside by their fire pit.  My Mom also picked up a cake from Frederick's Pastries for my impending birthday next week.  Great day again.

This morning we went to one of my Mom's favorites- Parker's Maple Barn for pumpkin pancakes before heading out.  Now, it's just me and sad little Z and Blizzie again.  I cleaned out the coop for a distraction and will get to work making up for all that I didn't accomplish last week but I did want to take a moment to secure my memories from a wonderful visit!  I can't wait for the next one :-)
Of course, all week, Zdeno got to play ball with his Grandma and Grandpa.  They brought him a bag full of tennis balls and he was in heaven.  Inside ball, outside ball, nonstop ball.  He is going to miss then most I think!

Newport 2011

Each year we go down to Newport to visit Art's parents during their timeshare week.  We really look forward to the trip.  Our favorite activities are often done over and over again and we look forward to revisiting our favorites.  This year we spent both days out on Breton Point flying kites.  Art got a new kite this year in hopes that he would be able to go out there to fly kites with his Dad.  They both have stunt kites but Dad also brought a fun airplane kite.  It didn't seem air-worthy but on the second day they got the flappy little guy up no problem.  We had a great lunch at Flo's Clam Shack the first day.  The gals had fish and chips while the boys had fried clams.  Delicious!  We also walked up and down Thames street for a little sightseeing and window shopping.  We did get Art's Dad some fudge for later on.  We also were able to catch up on our card playing.  Art has been so busy this fall at the store that we haven't been able to go over to their house as much as we'd like.  Hand and foot is our game du jour.  We have a great time playing.  We also made a stop at the Brick Alley for burgers on the way out of town.  It was a short visit but one that I am so glad we were able to make!

Zdeno is People's #1 Leaf Pup!